Sunday, March 21, 2010

Double Tall White Mocha?

Today I had a major reality check by one of the bazillion differences between Seattle and Iowa. I was craving some Starbucks and the only option within a hundred miles was the one located inside the entrance of a Target. I know. Tragic. So going into it I should have known there would be lingo lost in translation. I mean its not like I’m a total high-maintenance customer that’s asking for a Venti, 3 pump, non fat, vanilla latte with 3 Splenda, stirred, at 180 degrees with light whip but I do have my whole drink shpeel memorized and I can say it pretty darn fast on a good day. Usually it’s a little more complicated but I decided to leave out the 2 pump, non fat, extra hot part because I’ve learned that once you leave Seattle you have to repeat orders like these four or five times before they have it all written down on the cup. So all I asked for was double tall white mocha and he looked at me like I was speakin Mandarin. So after 4 seconds of extremely awkward and confused eye contact, the barista dude looks at his manager who can tell he has no idea what I’m talking about and slowly tells him “well you press the button that says white mocha and then press the add a shot button”. During all this I’m holding back the urge to grab him buy his collared black poplin shirt and scream “Who the hell do you think you are calling yourself a Starbucks Barista! Take off that green apron you imposter and get a job at McCafe!!”
But I regained my composer and realized we’ve all been there. I too was nothing but a newbie barista at Starbucks which I secretly love to tell other Sbucks baristas because once you tell them you worked at the mother-ship that is Seattle they instantly have a much higher respect for you which I won’t lie I totally eat up. Unfortunately i'm pretty sure the barista wasn't new and that he had in fact been working there a while. If Howard Schultz were dead he would have rolled over in his grave.


  1. it will be a great day when we can once again meet on the streets of seattle and sip our starbucks while exchanging gossip.

    until then, that was a great story.

  2. this made me laugh out loud. oh my. what we do for good coffee...

    um and i am pretty sure if anyone asked me to make the high maintenance drink you just described i would slap them hard in the face and then quit. :)

  3. Seriously, outside of Seattle you are just on your own. It's a rough life. But this really was a hoot and a holler!!!! HAHAHAHA

  4. I'm soooo with you there. In Montana, people sometimes think that when you say "double" you mean dbl the flavor :) I lived there for two years and worked at a coffee shop there. That was my first time drinking bad espresso, my first microwaved egg (on a breakfast sandwich), and you can imagine the rest.