Monday, May 17, 2010
Another Fake Out By Anderson Cooper
Life these past few days has been a whole lot of crazy. First off, as some of you might know, I went through a phase last summer where I was SLIGHTLY obsessed with Anderson Cooper. I blame it mainly on the fact that I had an internship that left me with nothing better in the afternoons then to spend hours reading basically every CNN.com story ever posted. And my obsession peaked when I got to go to Atlanta where I stayed at a hotel adjacent to the CNN headquarters. My main objective for the whole trip was to somehow meet Anderson but it turns out his office is in New York so all my efforts and wasted time taking the CNN NEWS TOUR were all in vain.
So this past Saturday I’m walking around downtown New Orleans having a little personal time while the rest of my team is working on a community service project. As part of the project they put hair into panty hose, that were primarily donated from a group of Transvestites in San Francisco, with the intention that they would be used to be taken out to sea to soak up oil from this little mishap some of you may have heard about. Anyways I had just bought some real hot boating shoes when my teammate Maddie calls and is like “Rob, the press is eating this up, we were just filmed making these hair booms and they want to take us all down to a marina where the oil is to have us put them in the water…….AND ANDERSON COOPER IS THERE!” Needless to say I took off running to the Ritz Carlton Hotel, which is where this whole thing was taking place, because there was no way that my team was meeting Anderson without me…even if I was wearing glasses, a tank top, and cut off jeans. Long story short, a news team from Los Angeles drove us down to the marina, which was 1.5 hours away. I felt so VIP. We got out and the journalist was like “ok , there’s lots of reporters here looking for a story so as long as you don’t say a word to anybody we’ll buy you dinner." So who got a free shrimp dinner for keeping his big mouth shut? This guy. But the sad thing was that by the time we got there Anderson was long gone and was probably back in New York tossing back gin and tonics with Kathy Griffin. So jealous. Mark my words Anderson we will meet someday and become besties whether you like it or not. But it was still pretty sweet to get interviewed by the news team. Plus our chauffer, who’s name was George and supposedly was going to be drafted into the NFL before he blew out his knee, bought me a ruby red grapefruit drink for the ride back. It was loverly.
In other more disturbing news, last Friday I woke up with a layer of skin missing from underneath my nose and it kind of had me concerned because I figured that either I had been bitten by a cockroach, a mouse had used my nose as a punching bag, or I had slept walked into a boiling pot of tea. Needless to say it hurt like hell and had puss coming out like there was no tomorrow. So today I go into the walk in clinic because I have a slight chest cold and I’m chatting it up with the doctor and I’m like, "oh yeah in case you hadn’t noticed the ginormous crusty mess on my face I think I burned myself in my sleep." To which he replied, "how would you have burned yourself in your sleep? That is clearly bacteria growing on your face." Yep. Bacteria. Chilling under my nose because apparently sometimes bacteria can grow under the hair follicles in a beard and the area beneath the nostril provides a cool, wet, and dark environment for it to grow and flourish. WHO KNEW!!!!!!? I guess thinking back on it it’s a good thing I didn’t meet Anderson this weekend because he might have been slightly alarmed by the sight of the bacteria; which I will soon be applying vigorously the cream the doctor prescribed. That is once the Wal-Mart Pharmacy gets their ish together and orders the cream that go figure they were out of. I mean seriously Wal-Mart, with all the money I’ve spent in your store you could’ve had the courtesy to have my Bactrum cream waiting for me in my lowest hour of need.