Monday, Monday

 Maaaaaaan alive. I had a feeling the Monday following Thanksgiving was gonna be a rough one.  Let’s face it, there’s really nowhere but downhill and a snap back to reality when you’ve spent the past 5 days being spoiled rotten by the parents, taking naps every afternoon, getting tipsy on Martinelli’s Sparking Cider,  taking in majestic views of the Blue Mountains, and being showered in puppy kisses by my baby girl Elly. After a lovely getaway to the recently crowned “Nicest Town In America”, me and my 48 lbs. of checked luggage ( it was an early Christmas miracle I kept that sucker under the 50 lb. limit) took a jet back to my current residence of Texas where I rolled into DFW at midnight. That whole time change thing can be a real pain. Luckily I have a roommate who loves me enough to drop me off at both 5 in the morning and pick me up at all hours of the night.  Love you Vobbie! After hugs and the usual “never leave me again speech” Robbie laid down the cold hard facts that my car battery was dead. It wasn’t much of a surprise seeing as I had received a text from one of my neighbors when I was still in Washington, alerting me to the fact that I’d left my lights on. My neighbor is also the #1 smoker of our tiny apartment complex and seeing as he finds himself outside a majority of the time he usually knows what’s going on in everyone’s life; or in my case whether or not I remembered to turn off my lights. This was not the first time this had happened and I dare say it won’t be the last. The thing that was different about this incident was that the lights had been on for 3 days. I called Robbie to see what he could do and try as he and Bart may they couldn’t revive the Matrix.  Luckily my dad still has me on the AAA plan and Bart, being his usual giving self, let me borrow his car to get to work. Love you Bart! I made an appointment to have AAA work their magic earlier this evening and by God’s good graces the nice tow truck man was able to get the car started with no trouble. I decided to go for a ride and upon realizing I had nothing in my apartment to eat, I of course headed to my friendly, neighborhood Wal-Mart, because aside from Subway it’s the only place I have still have a gift card. I had driven the car for about 10 minutes so I thought the battery would be charged enough for a quick shopping trip. Mmmmm turns out I was mistaken.  Let me tell ya, it’s a pretty humbling experience to come back to a dead car battery in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot. I really couldn’t imagine a worse time or place for this to happen. It was 7 pm and you know that everyone just got off work and are probably about as happy about it being Monday as I was. There really wasn’t much I could do but sit and wait like a creeper for people to park around me or return to their mode of transportation before approaching them with my sparkling charm and shiny set of jumper cables . My first victim told me she would have helped me if she didn’t have a kid before hurriedly slamming her door in my face. I’m still trying to figure out what the kid had to do with anything but then again maybe she took my tearful plea for help as a pickup line in hope for a future date? Victim #2 was a quick one and on the spot came up with unlikely story that her battery happened to be locked up in her trunk. I had my suspicions she was lying but I also know next to nothing about cars so I didn’t push the issue. Victim #3 was holding an angel food cake and clearly didn’t see me coming because she turned around with a look of terror when I yelled out “excuse me maam!?”!As with the others, she had an alibi of having to get somewhere in a hurry and assured me that she’s usually the type of person to help others. Yeah, like I hadn’t heard that one before. By this point I’m looking around in my back seat to see if there are any warm blankets or possibly some kindling, in the likelihood that I end up spending the night in the hatchback as I play big spoon to my jug of milk that’s going bad by the second. All of a sudden, out of the darkness, comes my night in shining armor…driving a red Nissan. Well, in times like these one can’t be picky. Although I would have preferred an Audi. I didn’t catch his name but he is already my new favorite person and I may have come off a little too enthusiastic when he agreed to pop his hood. I told him he was the nicest person in this whole parking lot and that it’s moments like this that give me hope for humanity. Hopefully our paths will cross again someday, most likely at Wal-Mart and maybe I'll buy him a pack of gum or some Great Value yogurt? It’s the least I could do.

But really the biggest let down of my Monday came at work when I discovered that after spending every weekend here for 4 straight months, the ONE weekend I decide to leave Dallas, freaking Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are in town!!!! WHAT. ARE. THE. ODDS?! Yes. THE Justin Bieber who I have supported and defended since day one. The same Justin Bieber who’s Christmas album I listened to 99% of my flight back to Walla Walla.  The same Justin Bieber who’s movie “Never Say Never” I rented from RedBox and was subsequently late to a birthday party because I was so engrossed by his inspiring tale of rags to riches. And yes, THE Justin Bieber who is arguably one of the most famous people in the world as we speak! The news was almost as heart wrenching as when I found out I had been a mere block from Aaron Carter in downtown Hollywood, which my friends all knew but had decided to keep from me because they thought I would pull over the car into the nearest no parking zone and take off running down the street in his general direction. Please. People don’t give me enough credit. As I told the woman at Wells Fargo who hooked me up with a free checking account, I’m used to being around fame. I mean Tanya from the Real World took her senior pictures in my backyard. NBD. My boss’s daughter is the one who filled me in on this tasty nibble of local celeb gossip because she’s actually the one who spotted the prince of pop at the movie theatre she was at, which I might add was a mere two minutes from my apartment. Him and Selena totally could have stopped by for an early dinner of fish sticks and cinnamon toast crunch (off brand of course). To be honest my friend may or may not have been tipped off that he was at the theatre and possibly that he was taking to Selena to see Twilight. Sadly Justin changed his mind last minute and ended up going to see The Muppets Movie. He’s so spontaneous! But I must say, it is ironic because wouldn’t ya know, I had also made plans to see The Muppet  Movie the same day…but opted out for a nap instead. BUT still!! It’s almost like our lives would have been connected for a small moment in time as we laughed at all the same jokes, chewed on our candy of choice( milk duds obviously), cried as Kermit and Miss Piggy had a falling out…you get the idea. But I haven’t given up hope that Justin and I will become friends. New Years is around the corner and I’m sure him and Selena will be back for another movie date and this time I’ll be ready!

P.S. Jess Miller: today’s voicemail where you serenaded me with Stevie Wonder’s “I Just Called To Say I Love You” was by far the highlight of my day….aside from getting jumpstarted by a total stranger which came in a close second. I’ll call you soon.

My Oh So A-List Life in Dallas

It’s been two weeks since Robbie and I first set foot onto Dallas soil and at this point all we really have to show for it are a few tan lines and a few empty In N Out rappers left from our excessive weekly visits. Whoever wrote that USA article with the headline “Need a Job? Move to Texas” seriously has a sick sense of humor. Turns out jobs don’t just grow on trees down here like the article had suggested. Part of the problem may be that I’m being a little picky at this point because I’m really not ready to go back to a retail job, especially since my soul has finally recovered from working the Macy’s holiday season last Christmas. It’s just too soon. Robbie actually had a job for about a week but he quit this morning because he just couldn’t handle the thought of serving tables again.

Last week we had a minor freak out moment as we were laying by the pool wondering how we were going to pay for our next Lean Cuisine. In the moment of panic Robbie decided we should try applying for work as actors. I had my initial reservations but was encouraged by the fact that I had just watched the E! True Hollywood Story of Selena Gomez who turns out was actually discovered by Talent Scouts in Dallas! And seriously, what’s she got that I ain’t got…..ok….aside from teen heart throb and the voice of our generation who goes by the name of Justin Bieber??? We saw on Craigslist that a film company was in search of young, attractive, local, talent. Obviously we felt we were overqualified for the positons but we figured it was still worth a shot. Only downside was it was a Vampire movie with the working title of “Vamps”. Super lame but everybody has to start somewhere. Robbie read for the role of the lead brooding male character named Nick and I read for the part of the Colt. I don’t like to brag but we kinda nailed it. Granted it took a few retakes on the webcam due to our random breakdown into school girl giggles over how terrible the script was. Here’s the scene we read for and all I can say is brace yourself for some writing that makes The Hills look like a Pulitzer Prize winning literary masterpiece.

NICK

You're not going to believe me.

COLT

Try me. This screwed up world never ceases to amaze me.

NICK

Vampires.

COLT

Vampires?

NICK

It's true! I'm not crazy! They've been after me my whole life!

COLT

Those three guys?

NICK

Not them, them. But others like them. They found me in this town, again.

COLT

How do you know they're vampires? I didn't see any fangs.

NICK

Trust me. They are. They also show up in mirrors. Don't trust movies. Or books. That's all fiction.

COLT

Still. How do you know?

NICK

They've been after me since they killed my parents years ago. They've left me messages from time to time--

COLT

Messages?

NICK

Yes. Like the killings at the hotel. Those were messages for me!

Aaaaaaaaaand end scene.

I don’t know if ya’ll have heard but Dallas is kinda turning into the new LA. In other words, I couldn’t have moved at a better time because they are currently filming three different shows here in town, which is great because I love to have options. First, there’s the revamp of the classic show "Dallas", then there’s the “Most Eligible Dallas” which follows around a group of single men and women, and then there’s "The A-List: Dallas". With all this going on around me, how could I not be discovered??? Just like Lana Turner was discovered at Scwabb’s Drug Store, I’m pretty sure any day now some big Hollywood agent will spot me out of the corner of his eye as I make my way to the counter for my free Tall Starbucks Black Iced Tea refill. I’m on the verge of my big break. On the edge of glory! It’s obviously the reason God brought me to Dallas.

Being surrounded by the flashing lights of paparazzi and rubbing elbows with celebrities is something that I’ve grown very accustomed to during fast paced life as a Walla Walla socialite. Prepare yourself from some major name droppin. Did Tanya from the Real World have her Senior pictures taken in my back yard? Yes. Did I make eye contact with Josh Duhamel in the Vatican during my European travels? Yes. Did I wait at the same baggage carousel at SEATAC as Toby McGuire, also known as Spiderman? Yes. And last Saturday, did I meet and possibly offend a current cast member of the The A-List: Dallas? HELL TO THE YEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!! My first run in with said Dallas celebrity happened last Saturday night. It was my first night out on the town and I was hanging out with some friends around a pool table at a local bar when this guy who’s name I would later find out was Chase put his designer man bag down on the pool table next to us. It happened to be in the spot where my friend Zack had been sitting so I politely and eloquently yelled, “HEY! Could you move you’re Claire’s bag so my friend can sit here?!?!” Chase got a tad bit defensive over my insinuation that his bag had been purchased at every teenage girls favorite store known as Claire’s and he worked himself into a lil tizzy telling us Lord knows what brand it was and much it cost. Blah blah blah. Don’t care. Bored by the story. Talk to the hand. Then along comes my friend Philip who it turns out knows the guy and quickly explains to me he’s a cast member of The A-List: Dallas. I immediately go in for damage control and turn on the charm with the hope that I’ll be invited to become a witty reoccurring cast member on the show. I’m still waiting for the Evite on that but Chase did say they are filming the show for the next 2 months and that he would try to let me know the next time they need extras for background scenes. So don’t change that channel, because I may be coming to a living room near you, real soon, in High Definition!