#Grammys2013

Over the past few years The Grammys have weaseled their way into my affections and become my favorite awards show of the entire year. Last nights show proved to be an interesting one since there weren't any artists who completely swept up all Grammys like my beloved Adele and Beyonce have done in the past two years. It was generous of them to spread the wealth because clearly there are lots of worthy musicians who deserve to be awarded for their musical efforts. Music is something that's always been a special part of my life and whether I'm hitting the stair monster, getting ready for a night out, or sitting at my desk working I almost always have music playing. These days I don't have as much time and money to keep up on movies but luckily my 10 dollar a month Spotify account keeps me up to date on what the whipper snappers are listening to on the radio.

Last night I debated doing an intensive live Twitter feed of the nights big moments but then I remembered that I only have 22 followers and half of them are probably robots so it would have been pointless. Although big shout out to Tamara for throwing me a few favorites and re-tweets. Love you boo boo! Thanks for making me feel a little less alone in the Twitter-sphere.

So the following is what would have been my hypothetical twitter feed if I was in fact twitter-famous....

Taylor “Uncle Sam” Swift. You realize you are no longer able to call yourself a country artist, right? Also, “ I’m sorry but I’m busy opening up the Grammy’s” might me the best “stick this in your pipe and smoke it” line I’ve ever heard #suckitharrystyles

ADELE”S HERE! SHE’S HERE!

Ed Sheeran. I have the biggest friend crush on you.  When I begin my music career would you be so kind as to pen a few ditties for me? #thanksboo #littlethings2.0

Elton John. I don’t really like it when you sing Ed’s songs. There’s not enough room on that tiny, circular stage for two gingers and while you could sing “Candle In The Wind’ all day long without a complaint from me, I’m really not feeling your take on the “A Team”. #sorryi’mnotsorry

Testicular Cancer/Valentines Day commercial. Really? Really?? I thought you were going to be just another K-Y commercial. You sure showed me. #livestrong

Katy Perry. You was robbed!!! Not by Adele because she actually deserved the best Pop Performance Grammy but aside from making my most listened to song of 2012, Wide Awake should have won an award for something!

Adele looks like she's wearing a couch cushion from an old ladies house which makes me love her more than I thought was humanly possible.

John Mayer. Your suit is glowing. Where can I get me one of those!?!?!

Miranda Lambert. Step away from the Bedazzler before you lose an eyelid.

Carrie Underwood. Everybody gives a shout out to God when they win a Grammy. But I actually believed you. #onwardchristiansoldier #thislittlelightofmine

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. You give me hope! And when did ya'll get so skinny!? #trimspababy

Fun. You’re leading me to believe that man-capris are coming back in style. Can you give me a firm confirmation that I can pull them off before I have all my current pants tailored?

Justin Timberlake. I’ve got a bone to pick with you. “Futuresex/Lovesounds” was flawless. FLAWLESS And since you dropped it in like 2007, I’ve waited patiently for 6 long years for you to drop a new single. I’m gonna be honest. Suit and Tie is not what I waited for all these years. But I have faith the rest of your album is going to make me a very happy man. #notimpressed #bringsexyback

Kelly Rowland. Did you not get the email from CBS? You know, the one about not wearing revealing outfits? Check your spam box. #iknowyougotit

What does Urban Contemporary even mean? All I know is I’m so glad that Frank Ocean won, even though your acceptance speech was awkward.

Adam Levine. You sound amazing on your albums. And if there was someone who’s recording voice I wish I had it would be you. But then you go and sing live and…..well…..it’s a good thing you’re pretty.

I pity the person who got stuck sitting behind Solange’s Afro. Seriously, most obstructed view in the house thanks in part to the fact that Gaga was a not in attendance.

I fucking love Kelly Clarkson. She is so genuine. So talented. Clearly surprised as we all were about winning, even though she clearly deserved it. #stronger

Rihanna. Spill. What did you cut out of your diet to get that body because seriously, I have a high school reunion coming up and I need to know. Also, you killed that performance. #thatRihannarainjustwon’tletup #stay

Love Frank Ocean. And love that he’s basically wearing the same outfit I wore when I gave a presentation on the Civil War in 5^th grade. #A+

How is CBS still America’s most watched network?? Touched by an Angel Dr. Quin Medicine Woman has been off the air for over a decade!? America. Just tape The Big Bang Theory for once, for crying out loud! #tinafey #damnu2andahalfmen

Jack White. Get in touch with the person who does beyonce’s weaves. You can do better. You deserve better. #itgetsbetter

Best quote of the night goes to Katy Perry when presenting Best New Artist. "If you don't win, don't worry. I was never even nominated in this category and I have my own eyelash line,".

Fun. If you’re saying you’ve been doing this for 12 years then how the hell did you just win the best new artist award? #confused #idemandarecount

Why did none of my prom dates ever have Carrie Underwood’s light up dress?? #regrets

Gotye and his lady friend winning Record of the Year and getting all sorts of choked up when getting the Grammy handed to them from Prince was touching #I’mfeelingverklempt

Alabama shakes lady seriously looked like she took a time machine from the 1930’s to get to the Grammy’s and I love her for it. #vintage #oldsoul

Frank Ocean. Best entrance and exit of the night. #youcandonowrong #forestgump #seamless

What did Mumford and Sons say that was censored?? And am I the only person who didn’t know they were British? #so2000andlate

Katy Perry: Part of Me

Today I had a "me party". An entire day where I was free from work and social obligations and got to do whatever the hell I wanted. Well…for the most part.  I’d been needing some introvert time and seeing as the roommate was peacin’ out for the weekend I decided to take full advantage of my Saturday.

First off I stopped by my local library and got a card. I really should have done this long ago because I could have been saving a small fortune from the money NOT spent on Redbox and iTunes downloads. I was a little bummed because my main goal of going to the library was to come out with some Dusty Springfield music, who has become my recent pop obsession, and the book “Perks of Being a Wallflower.” My tiny neighborhood library had neither but they are being ordered and should be here soon. I can hardly wait. I did come out with the Joni Mitchel album Blue so it was not a total bust.

After that I was itching for a good ol’ thrift store run. The two years prior to moving to Dallas I went through an unhealthy addiction to thrift stores. While I was in AmeriCorps I am fairly certain I visited every salvation army between Michigan and Louisiana. Damn I had some good finds back then. I really just love the challenge of looking through tons of shit to find an inexpensive diamond in the rough, be it vintage t-shirt or fun vinyl from the 60’s. Today I went to a St. Vincet de Paul and I can’t say that I was that thrilled by the selection I saw there but I did find a great framed daisy cross hatch from the 70’s that’s gonna go great with my duvet cover and strangely the green frame matches my dresser perfectly. And all home décor was 30% off so I spent a total of 2 bucks. Hollerback girl.

I decided I needed to take some time out of my day to be productive so I ended up going to work and doing stuff that we graphic designers do. I won’t bore you with the details but it ended up being time well spent. As a reward to myself for being diligent and productive on a weekend I decided it was time to see me some Katy Perry: Part of Me in 3D. And considering the fact that my newfound friend Matt Jarrell is the only person I’ve met who was equally excited about seeing the movie as I was, I figured I was best off seeing it alone. Plus, I kind of have a weird thing where I really enjoy seeing a movie alone in theatres despite being told by most people that it is awkward and a form of social suicide.

Ever since “I Kissed a Girl” was the free iTunes song of the week I’ve been a big fan of Katy Perry. I’ll admit, I assumed that she was going to be just another one hit wonder but she has certainly proved me and a lot of people wrong. Since 2008 I have bought both her cd’s, seen her in concert, lost sleep on nights before one of her music video’s premiere’s on Vevo, and  learned how to play “Thinking of You” on my guitar. You can see now why I was super pumped for the documentary to hit theatres. Sadly I don’t think it’s been as much of a success as people were thinking it would be. I can verify this because for the first half hour I was the only living soul in the theatre….which was kinda great/awkward all at the same time. But I am here to say that the film is good and worth the 10 bucks! The thing that really comes across in new movie and the thing I appreciate most about Katy is she’s very different from a lot of other pop singers out there these days because she kind of seems like the only normal one. Gaga? Anything but normal. Britney? Heavily medicated. Christina? Diva. Rhianna? Hot Mess.  The main premise of Part of Me was to show the kind of work that goes into making a world tour and to show what it took for her to get to this point in her career. It as pretty crazy to see how far she’s come. I know when I saw her in concert back in 2009 it was at a small venue in Seattle where I think she had two costume changes at the most and played all her songs on guitar. It was awesome by the way but these days her shows are played out in huge arenas with extravagant sets, costume changes, and cannons of whipped cream. 

One thing that is really interesting about Katy’s life is the fact that she was raised Pentecostal in a very conservative Christian home. I can totally relate. Not the Pentacostal part because I would say we leaned more Baptist but there were things she would say that totally resonated with  my upbringing. Luckily for me I was still permitted to watch “The Smurfs” and eat my Aunt Carol's “Deviled Eggs”, although I wasn't allowed to browse through my latest issue of National Geographic until my parents had torn out the pictures of naked tribal women...let me tell ya it made reading articles about Aborigines in the Outback very confusing and challenging. Another thing Katy and I were both limited to was listening only to only Christian music. Now don't get me wrong, I loved me some DcTalk and Michael W. Smith but a little Michael Jackson or Madonna here and there would have been a nice change of pace. One time in 5th grade my friend Tim came over and brought a Limp Bizkit cd with him and he insisted we should listen to it. Right away I was intrigued because the cover had a sticker that said Parental Warning. I had no idea what that meant but I knew it couldn't be good. Pretty sure I locked my bedroom door, popped the cd into my boom box, and played it just loud enough so we could barely make out the lyrics because I was worried Mama Sesser would barge in with a fresh plate of cookies at any second...to this day I've never felt so rebellious/terrified in my entire life. Obviously Katy has taken aspects of her life in a different direction than the one it seems her parents had in mind. That’s something I can also relate to and it was great to see that despite differing opinions, at the end of the day her parents are still very supportive and loving of their their little girl.

Going into it, I knew Katy Perry: Part of Me wasn’t going to measure up to the masterpiece that is “Britney: For the Record” but it was still very well done and fun to watch. I would say that having this sort of film made was a bit premature. Mainly because her career took off hardly 4 years ago and she only has two albums. That and there really hasn’t been that much tabloid drama in her life aside from her recent divorce which is what a majority of Americans hope to see in these sorts of things. Still I think it shows the importance of having dreams and working your butt off to achieve them. It also showed just how much talent Katy does posses as an actress, songwriter, and singer. So if you missed her California Dreams Tour and are wanting a taste of the Candyland empire she’s built and the road she took to get there, you won’t be disappointed.

And the Grammy goes to...

Oh man. One of my favorite television events of the season has “at last” (R.I.P. Etta) come and so quickly has gone. As usual, there was an artist who went around snatchin’ up all the awards. Last year Beyonce had everybody putting a ring on it as well as putting a check next to her name on the nominee ballot, and this year it was Adele’s turn. It would appear there were no hanging chads in this Grammy race and thank goodness cuz home girl deserved every award she was nominated for. I’d go as far to say that she should have won even the awards she wasn’t nominated for…Best R & B album, Best Rock Performance, Best Spoken Word...you get the idea. I’m a fan. Who knew that a free Starbucks iTunes song of the week called Chasing Pavements back in 2008 would end with this only 4 years later? Crazy.  I will say though, I was a little it disappointed when she only performed one song. Definitely had my fingers crossed for some sort of Glee inspired mash up, but seeing as she just recovered from throat surgery it’s probably best to take things slow. All I know is I was praying for the tears to start falling when she got record of the year and they most certainly did. Plus, I think I’ve developed the biggest friend crush ever when she blurted out in-between sniffles that she had snot running down her nose.

Now as for the rest of the artists this evening….

Ok Taylor Swift. You know how much I love you. I’ve bought all your albums and have all the lyrics memorized. But seriously, if your jaw drops to the ground one more time, whether or not you get a standing ovation or a Grammy, I’m gonna give you some more tears for your guitar. Frankly, nobody including myself is buying your fake show of astonishment upon receiving any form of recognition at this point. You’re good. People love you. You already have more Grammy’s than you have bedazzled pink guitars so let's stop acting like it's breaking news.

Chris Brown. DAMN YOU!! I try so hard not to like you after what you did to my girl Rhianna, but then you keep coming out with awesome dance moves and catchy pop tunes that keep weaseling their way into my affections.

Jennifer Hudson. You nailed the Whitney Houston tribute, although I wouldn’t have minded if you had thrown in a little “Million Dollar Bill” to perk up the depressing white elephant in the room. But let’s get down to brass tacks. You obviously have one of the best voices in the biz and you almost have me convinced to join weight watchers.  But as I discussed with Skip, when your best song from both your albums is “Spotlight” I think it’s time to surround yourself with some new songwriters/producers. I’m praying you are currently chatting it up with the silver fox that helped Adele write “Rolling in the Deep” because he is exactly what you need.

Nicki Minaj. WHAT. WERE . YOU. THINKING???? Your performance left me feeling like I needed to go to confessional. And who the hell is Roman???

Gaga. I’m incredibly impressed by the self-control you conveyed by only making one outfit change during the entire night. I really didn’t think you had it in you.

Katy Perry. Love the new song. I will obviously be buying it….after I get that tax return. But for the love of Whitney Houston… STEP AWAY FROM THE HAIR CRIMPER AND BLUE HAIR DYE.

Beach Boys/Beach Boy cover bands. Aside from all things Adele, you were the highlight of the show for me. Loved every minute of that nostalgic trip through my musical past, even if the guy from Foster the People was super awkward and kinda pitchy. I was left wishing you had all been there when I saw you perform at that Indian Casino somewhere outside of Yakima, Washington. Things are obviously looking up for you because there really wasn’t anywhere to go but up as I sat between my parents in bleachers while 50 year old couples got tipsy and awkwardly danced around to “Surfer Girl”.