My First Year in Dallas

Howdy! Hope ya’ll had a very happy Labor Day! This is my second Labor Day Weekend in Dallas, which means I’ve officially made it a year in Texas! Still a little shocked I survived this long, especially with the ever looming fear of contracting West Nile from the pesky, murderous mosquitoes you’ve probably seen on the news.  It’s kind of turned into a problem and I’ve taken extra precautions this summer by wearing nothing but turtlenecks, cargo pants, and mosquito nets fashioned into a Burka for when I go on my evening runs. I don’t mess around. I mean people are dying and I’d like to think my immune system is stronger than that of a 95-year-old man but let’s be real, we all have our off days.

Despite the fact that this recent holiday usually implies that people should take a break from working I have done quite the opposite. This weekend was moving time so I have had my hands full convincing strangers on Craigslist that they should buy my cheap Ikea furniture, boxing up my belongings, and spraying 409 on everything in sight.  I am pretty excited about my new place because not only do I finally have access to a pool and exercise facility, but for the first time ever I have a washer and dryer that doesn’t require quarters to start a cycle ! It really is the little things in life.

 Looking back this has been quite the year in Texas. I really don’t think I had very high expectations when I moved south last July with my friend Robbie (also known as Vobbie when I talk in my second language of Svedish) but I must say Dallas has had it’s unexpected surprises and it’s provided me with a host of new opportunities and experiences. Some of the top highlights would have to be:

1.     I finally got my first job as a Graphic Designer, which alone made the move worth it. At age 26 I was really starting to stress about how this whole career thing was going to get started but I feel like I’ve learned a lot this year and that I’m finally catching my stride as a designer.

2.     I ran my first marathon!

3.     After years of devoted television watching I finally met the talented, beautiful and New York Times best selling author Lauren Conrad. I’m talking about LC of Laguna Beach and The Hills and yes, meeting her was definitely on my “unwritten” bucket list. Where my fascination and love with her stems from I’ll never know. What I do know is I don’t think I’ve ever been more nervous in my life than during the meet and greet at Barnes and Noble to promote her new book “The Fame Game”.  I swear every teenage girl in the Dallas/Fort Worth area was there and I was a one out of five guys, three of which were boyfriends who were simply there to document the whole thing. Luckily I had my office BFF Marlee to provide moral support, take pictures, and she may have packed a few smelling salts in the likelihood that I passed out in front of Lauren. Fortunately I kept it together despite the fact that girls were literally in tears at the thought of talking to her and I was being asked questions such as “what are you going to say to her!?!?!” or “will it be weird if I tell her she’s perfect, because I think she is!?!?” When my turn came to approach the book signing table I literally had an out of body experience. I completely forgot my monologue that I had rehearsed and I had such bad cotton mouth that I could barely squeak out a hello. Even though things didn’t go as planned and I was reduced to acting like every other school girl in the room, Lauren was the sweetest and hopefully at the next signing I’ll be able to keep more cool, calm, and collected. 

4.     I joined my first softball league! My friends Bart and Jason somehow convinced Robbie and I to join their team, Taddy’s Terriers, despite the fact that all games were held on Sunday morning, which can be a bit rough for an A-List socialite like myself.  Not that I was worried at all about my talent because I used to be a pretty big deal in the Walla Walla Valley Farm League. Granted it was over 15 years ago but age is just a number. After my coach made the mistake of thinking I was cut out for the outfield he put me on 2^nd base for the remainder of the season and I must say it was a much better fit. Turns out my hand eye coordination with fly balls ain’t what it was in 3^rd grade. But the end of the season I was voted the distinguished and sought after title of Most Improved. By now I’m used to accolades and critics choice awards and obviously I saw myself more as the Team MVP but beggars can’t be choosers. Robbie got Best Defensive and although you can’t count on him to throw a ball to first and have it be in the general vicinity of the 1^st baseman he sure knows how to hit a home run.

5.     I survived my first twister!

6.     I’m fairly certain I’m on a reality show and no one told me/failed to have me sign a consent form.  Literally everywhere I turn I see a cast member from  A-List Dallas and Dallas Most Eligible. The person I see the most is Matt Nordgren from Most Eligible and I’ve run into him buying jeans at the gap, watching a charity fashion show, and most recently at a Tuesday night worship service for young professionals. We of course haven’t talked but I assume it’s because the producers are trying to start of feud between us. Last week I went for a run on Katy Trail and ran by Glenn Pakulak from Most Eligible and I debated talking to him about the whole thing but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t mic’d  and there didn’t seem to be any cameras in sight so I didn’t see the point of having the conversation. Bravo recently confirmed that Courtney is going to have her own show soon and I’m expecting a letter from producers begging me to be her sassy male friend. I”ll consider it, but I may need to call LC to get her blessing before making any final decisions.

But most of all, thank you to all the wonderful folks I've met during my year here. It wouldn't have been half as fun with you :)

It's a Twister!

Lord have mercy, this week in Dallas has just been a mad whirl (pun intended). Yes, siree Bob. If any of you people up North happened to turn on the television this past Tuesday you might have noticed that Dallas got hit with not one, not two, but twelve tornadoes. Yeah, and Dorothy Gale and Toto thought they had it bad with one...bunch of pansies. I am quickly learning that southern living isnt just for the faint heart. It ain't all sunny days, daisy dukes, and fried chicken! Shit gets real!

  It was a slow day at the office and we had just finished lunch when the news broke. A tornado had touched down somewhere south of Dallas. Now as usual, I failed to give mother nature enough credit and greatly underestimated the situation at hand. Kinda like the day that Dallas residents were warned not to leave their homes due to extremely high temperatures. Do you really think that stopped me from making a quick trip to In n Out Burger to pick up my #2 meal, during which time i sweated out every ounce of fluid my body had to offer? Of course not. And it was totally worth it. Then there was the time I was in LA during an earthquake which at first I mistook for a bout of Vertigo. Do you think I let a few cracks in the pavement and some swaying buildings ruin my sightseeing plans? Not this guy! Within 5 minutes I was underground and taking the next subway to Hollywood because this tourist had places to go and D-List celebrities to hunt down.

So everybody is starting to get serious about the whole situation by now I'm assuming people are making a big deal out of nothing. I mean come on. I've survived a hurricane in Florida when I was vacationing at Disney World and while the palm trees were swaying we just hung out indoors and watched "Lilo and Stitch" and "The Rookie" on repeat for 48 hours straight. No big deal right? (Did I mention  no amount of money could persuade me to watch either of those movies ever again?) Anyways, before I have enough time time to make a "there's no place like home" joke, the cities alarms are sounding, my co-worker Marlee is frantically scavenging the office in search of a pillow to shield her from falling debris, Larita and Sherlene are making a beeline for the back door to have one last smoke, golf ball sized hail is falling from the heavens,  and all 8 of us end up crammed into a tiny computer room watching the news as 18 wheelers are being hoisted hundreds of feet up into the air  like my beloved Raggedy Ann and Andy Dolls.

By now I was fairly concerned. Especially once I took into consideration the fact that our office is located in strip mall that as of a week ago had become infested with termites. Therefore, there was no way in hell my office walls were gonna survive a hit from 150 mile an hour winds. At this point I did what every other person in my ruby slippers would have done. I called my roommate Robbie to tell him that if I died it was all his fault for conning me into moving to Dallas in the first place and that I cursed the day he was born! That felt good. After getting that off my chest,  a flood of thoughts and questions came running through my mind...does my insurance cover tornado collision or is that a completely separate thing I should have looked into 24 hours ago....do I have time to take a quick poop because who knows when I'll get to leave this room again...if I seek shelter in the nearby Mediterranean Restaurant I wonder what my chances of getting free pita and hummus are...should I call Mom or has Grandma already checked the Dallas weather today and told her my chances of survival aren't lookin too good...what should my last Facebook status update be.....definitely needs to be something witty because i wanna leave this world on a high note of LOL's and "Like" buttons.

After about an hour of keeping our eyes glued to the events unfolding before our eyes on the iPad screen and after being asked by several "concerned"friends to upload some cool and vintage Instagram pics from the eye of the storm, it became evident that we were probably going to be ok...which also meant we had to get back to work and be productive. Wah wah. It was all rather anticlimactic but I was thankful in the long run for no harm being done to myself and those around me. Even though the hail did leave some nasty dents in my car, I am counting my blessings that the Matrix stayed in the same parking spot I had put it in earlier that day. You just never know what the day will bring.